hey

remember that one time when I had friends????!!!???

what the hell happened. ?

i have none now.

does my daughter count??

a great listener but not much on the conversation front.]




what the hell i need to do something

get my damn name on the radar

do people even think about me anymore

like a damn figment of imagination

not existing outside of work and family

what the effffff!



fade away to black
my phone number hasn't changed since 2003

i know i'm not one to pick up or the fact i don't pay the bill on time
but stiiiiiiillllll its the thought that counts


guess it works both ways

issac newtons law of relationships

you get what you give


so i'm getting nothing because i'm giving nothing


except my heart and soul into surviving my family and my own.


i'm smart. people should want to talk to me. i have something to say.

i'm not a blank slate.
it's not like i dont have a personality i do i hope i do no i do.

let's talk music!!!

i have great bands changing songs insightful ideas


movies too, funny serious indie old shitty idk it doesnt matter

food sex lies technology games fuckin anything.

or am i doomed to this

3am self loathing session


not wanting to sleep not wanting to start another day
just a gear in the motor

doing the samething everything

wake up deal with family work for 11 hours come home self loath
rinse and repeat

working myself to the bone and having a family

there has got to be more
i know there is

but where and how


if i knew only if id knew

prematurely old

mid life crisis at 24

wish i could act my age.

why have i retreated to this position.


no wonder i'm losing my edge. how can i be me if i'm always being you.

guess thats why i self loath at 3am

its the only time i'm me.

listening to music talking to the only person who listens. willing to listen.

myself.

pen and pad + keyboard and screen


just wish i had someone to fall back on.

a friend from yester year, come over hang out smoke hookah and talk about anything everything

instead stuck in the bubble of walgreens and family.

'
am i bitching yeah i am but there is always truth in a bitching


i have been feeling over worked over exhausted over indulgent over used over bought over over

and am needing a break. just a breath of fresh air, to remember what it was like to have friends to call. friends to talk to. to say man i hate this or guess what happened.


300 friends on facebook and not a soul to talk to.

goodbye.