Alas

The summer heat is so intense right now, its pretty ridiculous. It feels like like every decision i ever made just weighing me down. Making me sweat and pushing me down. Gravity and heat. Sun blazing heating my body. That summer for you, its supposed to slow you down. Melting the rubber of your souls. Grows me tired everyday. Asking me if I'm ready for whats next. Summer is the test. Survive me and you might make it. Grow callous and reproach.

I find my dreams have been more vivid and real. Its like my mind is going through my mind and pushing out the scenarios that have been holding me back. Past friends. Past loves. Regrets and hopes. It's like my dreams are showing me something that could be real. and waking me up to prove that the only thing that is real is how you feel. A mix of emotions concocting to create whatever it is that is me. Stress tired sweaty me. But like I said thats summer for you. It continues to weigh every decision you make upon you. Nothing is what you want it to be because there is truly nothing that you want. Just the needs of life. that is the only truth. The need of love shelter food and air. and really i have all those things.

I do find myself sometimes looking up into the sky, past the summer heat. past the blazing sun, sweat stained image of myself and wonder. There is a purpose for everything. So there has to be a purpose for everyone. The symbiotic circle we all trudge through. And what is mine. A pitfall a step and hidden hole. One has to hope for whatever it is beyond the realm of life and love. Past the misconceptions of peoples own agenda. to a fully realized idea beyond comprehension. That there is a path we take and whether its planned out before us is up for grabs, but i like to think that someone out there is helping us guide our way through this summer heat.