And so it is..

One would think life changes, you see this new life and boom everything crashes into one point, this point where everything felt heard touched smelt known is together. There is an urge of fear coupled with elation. Wanting to hold yet running away. An understanding of dependency is only felt not known. 72 hours indeed feels like 72 weeks.

Did I cry. Didn't even cross my mind. I was scared of her. It's like a sudden rush of responsibility and than realizing the fragility of the situation.

But it's like you step up into this position. I am a parent and these are my inherited ideas. I am ready.

eh more to come later i'm tired and my brain is fried.

A new bridge.

The time has come and the days are no longer just that. These increments of time are more important because now it's about life. Queer thought that is. Time isn't about getting here or there it's about the life of a new being. About the safety the hopes the dreams of this new life. Life doesn't go as planned because well how can we plan out something we don't know. Sure we can make goals. We can inch towards something in the horizon. But there is no charted course to take. Yet there is some solace in this. No longer is it my course to take, I am but a mere guide now. Charting a path for someone not myself. There is no charting your own path yet I have this thought of having the power to chart out this new being. New life. There is a dependency. The chart is mere survival. For both of us really.

Am I worried? I don't feel it, as maybe I should. Or is this feeling of irrepressible responsibility just a noble act. Who's to know and who's to find out.

I don't know what to expect. I have survived on being a loner for a long time now. From passing on life to life. Appearing than appropriately disappearing. Between friendships to love to passions. Have I chosen the right fox hole to be in for this long haul. Tis but fate and hope. Just do both for the best.

As to where I am at, in life right now...I'd say there is sun showing. Things have been looking up. But that just makes me cautious, paranoid. It can't last forever. Life isn't that fair. why should it be. So I'll go with the flow, keep my head up and try to make the right decisions in the rights times.