music

when i close my eyes. I love how it gets dark. everything fades into the back. all you have is nothing yet everything. simplest form of life. eyes closed mouth open breath. sleep. I love it. Nothing matters yet life never becomes more important. there is no more human moment that opening your eyes to the wonder of life. You sleep and dream, only to live in your reality. amazing how that works. Life doesn't revolve around you, they say. But when i lay down rest my head on the pillow take deep breaths and fade into darkness. life does become about me. nothing else is important. Just myself and my self conscience. magic happens. inner and outer slep never becomes more complete.

i love it. clsoing my eyes. and just breathing. taking the focus away but making it about me.

there is just a mass of potential in all of us. how do i harness it. how do i know what to do with it. i close my eyes and the decisions dont become any clearer. where do i go next. has my path been laid. who has laid it. the decisions i've made or the decisions that has been made for me. does a higher power know what the out come is.
or maybe this is all just a big game of craps. blow the dice roll and fate battles chance. a labryinth of purposeful paths.

but when i close my eyes there are no paths. just thoughts. memories. ideas. my desires. my turths.

funny how we hide from our truths by opening our eyes.
only in the dark can we see who we really are.
only in the sun can we hide from our past.

eerything welled up behind your eyes. lava waiting to be bled
a distinct feeling of heat swelling your eyes. thats the truth waiting for its turn.
a mom's death
a bad love decision
a life full of confusion
has been of what could have beens.

full steam ahead wanting to blow through your eyes and fall down your cheeks.

but you squeeze tight and hope for solace.
fight it becuase where will truth get you.
an honest place in a dis honest play
a tragedy of shattered dreams. my dreams
dreams that has yet been dreamt, that has been dreamt and the ones that have been mulled.

just keep squeezing and hope for tomorrow for all that has been, has been and for all that will be, has to be

so i will close my eyes and feel the flood and fight to fall asleep for in my dreams i am me.

Life as it seems

This is my life, after years of decisions or non decisions this is where i'm at.

it's neither here nor there. It's now.

Amazing. I take a breath and the number is counting down.

Memories flood, playing in the prayer garden, hiding under the jungle gym, baseball and saturday mornings.

They fade. All memories do. Come in and go like waves on a shore.

only here to create new ones.

guess what?

I miss writing, blogging talking and all that good stuff. and now my keyboard is back to functioning i can pursue that. yet i feel soft spoken. out of words. or out of time. what do i really think feel want know.

i've been thinking lately about the book/screenplays i've been meaning to write

the tales of my summer internship
and
my book titled "Letters from Hope"

about a christian girl whose estranged agnostic mom dies and must track down a series of letters she wrote to her daughter that opens up new ideas of who her mom really was and a self discovery of people and herself along the way.

seems like an original idea

i want to start a music blog too

there is so much i want to do yet i feel like i have no time to do it or an audience.

i'm rambling ber ber bblu beeuk