Sooo....
so that last entry might of been a little sloppy, it might of been a bit outhere, a bit un nerved and a bit honest
thats what it takes in life, an open honesty to yourself...everyone thinks of suicide once in their life, it's a fact of mortality, its an idea of finite...we are predestined to not understand what it means to die, so who isn't going to think to themselves of the most ultimate power, of that most undeniable truth, that i can control my own death, that i can take it out of everyone elses hands and put it in mine. It's life but its your life. It's death but it is your death. It's cowardace and weak, vial and dirty, yet there is no greater power than the power of deciding when you are going to die.
Sometimes it takes to be sloppy, its important to understand that life is unbearable at a point that life is unmistakeable that life will kick you in the throat and ask what your name is. only short breaths and a feigned attempt at words will come out. It's an honesty many wont condider and many wont confront. Theres a certain rebirth that comes from understand your own mortality. Of letting people know that you could go right now and it would feel better, it would only feel better because you would no longer feel. Like the absence of a thought.
It's stress at its worst and really at its best. It's all these things berating at your mind. making it numb and unwilling. I'm not afraid though, I have thought of such things and I am more human because of it. I am more feeling due to it. The moment you realize I want to kill yourself is only beat by the moment following that says I am in control. I am in just as much control over my death as I am in my life. As much as I can take a gun and blow my brains, i can suck it up and accept she may not love me, she is already dead, school is hard, work is hard, stress is too much. For when that bullet enter your brains there is no turning back. The moment you accept that your life is in your hands there is no back to turn. Only the horizon of the future to walk towards and the path that you decide to take.
I feel better because of an entry like the last. To put what was brewing inside of me and lay it out there in print. Tangible words for intangible feelings. Something i can read and remember, remember in the past. A past that is growing further and further away after every passing moment. I know life isn't as hard as it seems but i know that my mind will never be able to grasp that. You will always feel the kick to the stomach more than a kiss. But that feel though more inducing is just temporary. The kiss is a memory of lasting.
There is a point to it all and plan. I feel better. I know I am human. and mistakes is the game we all play. It's a learning process and i'm ready for it. I guess i needed to write that entry. I'm sure it scared some of you, worried the others, confused the rest. but i'm ok really. soemtimes a little lonely. sometimes a little worried. pensive. just got to take control of where i wanna go. now is the time do it. and i think i will.
thats what it takes in life, an open honesty to yourself...everyone thinks of suicide once in their life, it's a fact of mortality, its an idea of finite...we are predestined to not understand what it means to die, so who isn't going to think to themselves of the most ultimate power, of that most undeniable truth, that i can control my own death, that i can take it out of everyone elses hands and put it in mine. It's life but its your life. It's death but it is your death. It's cowardace and weak, vial and dirty, yet there is no greater power than the power of deciding when you are going to die.
Sometimes it takes to be sloppy, its important to understand that life is unbearable at a point that life is unmistakeable that life will kick you in the throat and ask what your name is. only short breaths and a feigned attempt at words will come out. It's an honesty many wont condider and many wont confront. Theres a certain rebirth that comes from understand your own mortality. Of letting people know that you could go right now and it would feel better, it would only feel better because you would no longer feel. Like the absence of a thought.
It's stress at its worst and really at its best. It's all these things berating at your mind. making it numb and unwilling. I'm not afraid though, I have thought of such things and I am more human because of it. I am more feeling due to it. The moment you realize I want to kill yourself is only beat by the moment following that says I am in control. I am in just as much control over my death as I am in my life. As much as I can take a gun and blow my brains, i can suck it up and accept she may not love me, she is already dead, school is hard, work is hard, stress is too much. For when that bullet enter your brains there is no turning back. The moment you accept that your life is in your hands there is no back to turn. Only the horizon of the future to walk towards and the path that you decide to take.
I feel better because of an entry like the last. To put what was brewing inside of me and lay it out there in print. Tangible words for intangible feelings. Something i can read and remember, remember in the past. A past that is growing further and further away after every passing moment. I know life isn't as hard as it seems but i know that my mind will never be able to grasp that. You will always feel the kick to the stomach more than a kiss. But that feel though more inducing is just temporary. The kiss is a memory of lasting.
There is a point to it all and plan. I feel better. I know I am human. and mistakes is the game we all play. It's a learning process and i'm ready for it. I guess i needed to write that entry. I'm sure it scared some of you, worried the others, confused the rest. but i'm ok really. soemtimes a little lonely. sometimes a little worried. pensive. just got to take control of where i wanna go. now is the time do it. and i think i will.
posted by Tim Zimm | 3:34 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home