how many...

who has thought of suicide who has thought of on comming traffic correening ionto you blasting your brains all over the wind shekld wondering who would mourn for you wondering what is the whole pont of this sometime this late at night this dunk this wonderment of who i am of who i should be of who i am of who i should be of who i am and who i am really

n othing. an afterthought i called 3 pwoplw answers by none an agfter though really just an after thought a blink of an eye like a homelesss person a street walked except that i have a home to sleep in bnut no home of the heart which is worse really


seolmteimte whent there is no one to talk toyo0ur by yourself i'm always by myself during the afternoon during the hieght of businness at mystore i'm by myself. sometime i just hate where i'm at. hate it. to death. e3q5h. death. whats the point of it all. to feel the b urning tears down my cheeek to feel the humanity of it all running down my n4eck to understant that i will never get out f life what i deserve to understand that i will never get out of oollife what i want. who wants what why wants what. i udnerstarntd all too welllllll that i'm dead. that no onews knows it including myself that i am dead. no more feeling left in me. an empty shell of a person. far to gone to realize what i had have to have. because i don have much i have m myind buyt where does it get me

no where just runnin hot tears down my cheeks and an outlook that is b leaker than space itself

i should close my eyes and hnope for the best wondering what will bring me nbect. i know what w will come the same that has always come heart break and fucking wondering ment heart break and wonderment. tears hot as hoil tears as hot as the tempoer of a thousand angry parents tears as hot as an austsust day but to what...

to me wanteing to be dead. to mea having no reason to live to me wonderingt what is the point of it all obviously not to be my f4riend obviously not to be mny boyfrend obviously not for me to care at all...

obviously for me to die... for a fiegn death that acknoldledges the hyumanity of it all to know that i lived for the reason of love and that love has no chance in this world. that no one owes me any love at all. that i am mearly a person that beaqrs no witness to humanity only external feelings that mean more than a penny slot at a casino.

for once there trllly is no one for me my mom is long dead and she is the only one who understood who brought ou tthe best in me who knew who i am

and she is gone

juist like me


hoping oncoming traffic correens into me hoping that i die a painless swiftless death hopingf that maybe iun my afterlife someone loves me that someone realixes that i am worth a damn but im not

and thatsok it really is. i am only as good as i can be and obviously that isnt good enough... maybe someone else can do better thab me maybe somone else can understand what is going on
all i know is that sometimes when i walk down that trail of dust and dirt i hope to not return from it hope to not besiecve from it hopeffully not toi fain the full fornce of it hopefully to sweep by it and under stand that i am not worth all that i think i am and that sometimnes

\just sometimes

...

i am worth more dead than alive

and that maybe that car

on the opposite side of the free way understands it too that hs life is meant to end mine

te sunffer8ing. the painn. the enduring the fuckingf solitude of it all
t eh fucking linstany hightshoes the emmallee the s adraines the all of it the paint that is unfair and im balanced of it

why not die die young and live full maybe 8i'fve fone all i can who knows i know the earth doesnt know and tthat no one cares

goodbye