Slightly Dis-Sheveled
ah so as i sit here sobering up my hangover slighty dis sheveled slightly confused slightly unnerved listening to music no one else will like alone in my room eyes closing ever so often body tiring ever so often face sunken ever so often nerves rattled ever so often i can't help but reminisce on what 2006 year was. what 2005 was. 2004. the years are stacking up like layers in a cake.
who am I. what am I. why am I. when am I. fuckin questions. that is all they are. just questions. never meant to be answered. just meant to rack our brains about. just meant to distinguish the living from the dead. you can sleep when your dead. when can i think. the more I do the more i believe in the latter. my fore head is warm and my face is numb. reservations of the liquor. my emotions are warm and my soul is numb. reservations of the mind. What have i become over the past year. A role model. A friend. A sympathisizer. A thing. Unknowningly and unwittingly. my eyes fight to remain open.
What happened this year. loves lost. loves never had. a reawakening. an akwarding. independence with a dependence. Friendships held at the beginning of the year. Strong bonds. Strong ties. faded like the night sky. like the sun on a november day. was the common tie me. the bonding. new friendships forged. identities cemented. the pursuit of self apexing. to whom i know myself as.just some 22 year old guy who doesnt know left from right bumping his way down the path forging a history of who I am who will out live the me who i am.
sometimes when you talk about life as you live it you eyes want to scream and shout what i lives giving out and you should know should I know. so then you tried to turn around and figure out what life is alla bout some simple lullabye some happy lullabye.
and you will find. me. in the main of the melody. and you. in the heart of the harmony. timing the time that we start to sing. along with the time of your heart beat.
2006 is over soon enough. and 2007 is fast approaching. i've been to the lowest lows been to the highest highs. contemplated life. death. hopes. fears. best wishes. furthest falls. I fell in love with the world. i fell in love with a girl. and i will end the year like i started it. wondering how i ended up like this. this time no excuses. no woah is me. no violins. my life is the song i've written. i don't regret anything about this year. other than how quick it came. how quick it went.
the process of getting old makes time go by so fast. time doesnt change. just our understanding of it. as kids time was just the point of the day to go to bed. we're ruining our life putting so much pressure on time. on deadlines. on days. months. years. time is not tangible. neither should our life. i wanna spend 2007 living. I wanna make memories. have remorse have happiness have mistakes. it seems life is just cleaning up mistakes. but how can you know if your living right if your not making any mistakes. I am who I am because i dared to make mistakes. dared to question. to live life the way i feel is right. I may love too much. I may get walked all over. I may be too nice. too willing. too understanding. too much with too little.
I'm not sure what path i'm walking down. who's walking down with me. if god is watching over me or if he's already written what i'm going to do. a kid with an ant farm or a fate intervention. I went from the person i love being pregnant and engaged to loving girls who move away. time and space how integral they are to life.
sigh. just tired really. soo much to say with little room to say it. thoughts provoked. eyes still closing. fighting.what will I chalk up 2006 as. passing failing meodocre exciting intruiguing. how about...just a year.no more and no less than last year. no more no less than 2000 no more no less than 1993. another etch in the date book.another year on the life span. i'm in the same spot i've been for the past some odd years. confused. befuddled. some guy trying to get everything straight. stuck someplace confusing. at nights scared of what might come and at day fighting everything in my way. tripping just short and falling down. getting up and dusting off just to walk through life. like a stroll in the park. unaware of what might could should will happen. getting blindsided. living life with eyes closed. open up and get out of the cave tim. be who I want to be. know what I derseve and deserve it. this isnt a waiting game. finishing last isnt as good as just competeing.
goodbye 2006. i awaite 2007 with wonderment. a slight hangover. bemused about this past year. dazed from the prospects of the day. dis sheveled as i learn i'm dispensible from one more person. perfect to be around not good enough to stick around.
who am I. what am I. why am I. when am I. fuckin questions. that is all they are. just questions. never meant to be answered. just meant to rack our brains about. just meant to distinguish the living from the dead. you can sleep when your dead. when can i think. the more I do the more i believe in the latter. my fore head is warm and my face is numb. reservations of the liquor. my emotions are warm and my soul is numb. reservations of the mind. What have i become over the past year. A role model. A friend. A sympathisizer. A thing. Unknowningly and unwittingly. my eyes fight to remain open.
What happened this year. loves lost. loves never had. a reawakening. an akwarding. independence with a dependence. Friendships held at the beginning of the year. Strong bonds. Strong ties. faded like the night sky. like the sun on a november day. was the common tie me. the bonding. new friendships forged. identities cemented. the pursuit of self apexing. to whom i know myself as.just some 22 year old guy who doesnt know left from right bumping his way down the path forging a history of who I am who will out live the me who i am.
sometimes when you talk about life as you live it you eyes want to scream and shout what i lives giving out and you should know should I know. so then you tried to turn around and figure out what life is alla bout some simple lullabye some happy lullabye.
and you will find. me. in the main of the melody. and you. in the heart of the harmony. timing the time that we start to sing. along with the time of your heart beat.
2006 is over soon enough. and 2007 is fast approaching. i've been to the lowest lows been to the highest highs. contemplated life. death. hopes. fears. best wishes. furthest falls. I fell in love with the world. i fell in love with a girl. and i will end the year like i started it. wondering how i ended up like this. this time no excuses. no woah is me. no violins. my life is the song i've written. i don't regret anything about this year. other than how quick it came. how quick it went.
the process of getting old makes time go by so fast. time doesnt change. just our understanding of it. as kids time was just the point of the day to go to bed. we're ruining our life putting so much pressure on time. on deadlines. on days. months. years. time is not tangible. neither should our life. i wanna spend 2007 living. I wanna make memories. have remorse have happiness have mistakes. it seems life is just cleaning up mistakes. but how can you know if your living right if your not making any mistakes. I am who I am because i dared to make mistakes. dared to question. to live life the way i feel is right. I may love too much. I may get walked all over. I may be too nice. too willing. too understanding. too much with too little.
I'm not sure what path i'm walking down. who's walking down with me. if god is watching over me or if he's already written what i'm going to do. a kid with an ant farm or a fate intervention. I went from the person i love being pregnant and engaged to loving girls who move away. time and space how integral they are to life.
sigh. just tired really. soo much to say with little room to say it. thoughts provoked. eyes still closing. fighting.what will I chalk up 2006 as. passing failing meodocre exciting intruiguing. how about...just a year.no more and no less than last year. no more no less than 2000 no more no less than 1993. another etch in the date book.another year on the life span. i'm in the same spot i've been for the past some odd years. confused. befuddled. some guy trying to get everything straight. stuck someplace confusing. at nights scared of what might come and at day fighting everything in my way. tripping just short and falling down. getting up and dusting off just to walk through life. like a stroll in the park. unaware of what might could should will happen. getting blindsided. living life with eyes closed. open up and get out of the cave tim. be who I want to be. know what I derseve and deserve it. this isnt a waiting game. finishing last isnt as good as just competeing.
goodbye 2006. i awaite 2007 with wonderment. a slight hangover. bemused about this past year. dazed from the prospects of the day. dis sheveled as i learn i'm dispensible from one more person. perfect to be around not good enough to stick around.
posted by Tim Zimm | 8:50 AM
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