eX-Mas

What joy is it to run downstairs, look at your family in the eyes than see a tree full of presents and a house full of warm love. It'll beat waking up early to go to work. Coming home to nothing. Not one present. Nothing. Like it was March 12. Just another day. NOthing from my brother or sister. Nothing from my dad. Not a stocking with my name on it. How can you have a christmas with not on present. You would think the ties of a family would grow stronger after someone dies. Nihilsts. Nothing. Not a hug. Not a merry christmas. Even orphans get a little christmas spirit. Maybe a coloring book. A little meal with a slice of pie. Ugh. I know i have plenty. I know I make pretty good money. Am I that hard to shop for. I guess with everything going on right now it's easy to forget christmas. Forget to buy socks or underwear. Forget to buy a giftcard to target or barnes and nobles. Forget to buy sheets for my bed. I guess it's not neccessary. They say christmas is all about the heart. Hardly. It's about reminding people you love that you do love them. Going out of your way to get something even if its beyond your means. I'm willing to do this for you because I love you. My family wonders why I'm a ghost. I'm sure my mom is spinning in her grave for the way my family is now. How can you go a christmas and not buy one present for someone. A card. 5 bucks. A meal. A simple it's been a rough year but i'll do anything for ya. Maybe santa just forgot my house. Or we've been bad. I'm not materialistic. I don't need a gift. or hand outs. or favors. But i do need a present even something simple on my birthday and christmas. I got nothing on both days. Merry Fucking Christmas.