The Pinnacle
The apex of it all. What does it all mean. Who cares really.
Lay it all out there on the line. Leave it for the air to toss, wind to move. Let it breathe in and suffocate the insides, confounding your heart and mesmorizing the mind. Ideas of never ending realities conjured from that air, that artificial self created beyond the mind, enamored in the soul, berated by things of want and desire. brought down by the realities of it all. physical tangible involved. The path ahead of you is how you made it. The rocks, the guises, the twists and follys. Process of that battle that is within everyone. Your life creed and creedo. How you live and why you live it. It's as dark as a place as you want it. darker than a cave at night with your eyes closed. darker than the dreams that you can't remember. Darker than the untouched parts of your being.
But whose to say what your doing. Isnt any action just a reaction. Is there any true cause. Is every cause and matter of effect. Is anything i do solitary to the point. Point where I am acting solely upon that act. Stand up be original and know that what I am doing is what I want to do.
All this cryptic talk of the heart. and its happenings. Maybe i need to be less of a wordsmith and just shed the humanity that i am feeling. To write about what I am feeling in its honesty. For the longest time i have convinced myself that I'm confused. Never really sure if I'm happy or sad. Alive or depressed. like lillie pad i'm just jumping from one to another. pursueing the thoughts of better lives. as for now...yeah as for now. I'm frustrated.
Frustrated how things can seem so good but yet I feel so torn. I can see the road infront of me but no idea where it goes. I'm dragging my foot along. why. why must I feel like i'm being chastised. why must I feel like i'm being held down, pushed back, cut short. I feel as if things I love must disappear from me. Friends, family, girls, loved ones. Fade away. Nothing in life seems forever. I'm going to say it, 2006 what a complete shit of a year. Everything I wanted came back to throw up in my face. Everything i wanted to accomplish went down the shitter. School, love, music, family blew up in my face. and me forgetting to wear my safety gear. putting my heart out on the line too willing to get hurt too willing to forgoe all the precautionary efforts. a daredevil humanist. watch tim jump over burning cars and fall in love with a girl out of his league. watch him tame a lion and recieve nothing on his birthday...than push it further to christmas too. not for the weak of heart and the ease of faint. watch his dreams get dashed and push ahead. a product of his own philandering.
I know my fate. I know my ending. Is it the product of my intentions or the product of my enviroment. Doomed for loves lost because well i'm the one whose losing. but like i said its all a game of reactions and i've had practice. I know what to expect, i know what to do to hold on to to hope for to feel for pastuering for things i know.
so heres to say this. My love feels expendable because i feel that way. That inbetween guy. The person at ease to like but just at ease to know there is something better. I guess that doesnt make me a bad person or anything along those lines. I accept my fate. There is something better than tim zimm for most. I'm not sure really not anymore. but who cares really. at this point. how has being observant gotten to me.
I'm ok. with whatever happens. i can hold my chest up. keep walking. I understand that sometimes the sour is great and drowning. the bitter is immense and over beaing. lyrics to a song, words to a sentence. fallibility of life is interesting. no one lives it perfect yet everyone tries. no one wanting what they need but getting whats in their path. layers of god. layers of god? Whose to say. Fate and the cycle. The id and the sub conscience. the who i am and the what i hate about him. Why I feel great except when thoughts of those appear. Reactions to undersirablness. Reactions to loss. Reaction to my nihilist approach. Absent emotion and lackadasical approach. Is it time to turn things up. To grab it all in my fist. To realize that it is my path i'm on. and up to me how i cross it. To take responsibility for my life. I understand trust me. When does the line change from emotion to bitching. Who has the right to bitch. Why let unpleasantness ruin. When did i get so afraid of sucess. Ambitions swept away. Letting exterior motives run my interior directives.
that's life though. only as tough as you make it. only thing you can trully control is your attitude. all else is the weather. i can make it rain no more than i can make someone love me. make someone want me. make someone understand me. guess that is the beauty in it all. The damp of the soil and the mist of the grass. Drops on a leaf and smile of a stranger. smell of familiar and the feel of love. it all swirls and swoops like the breeze on a summer day. no longer to die than to blow. all life is a stack of papers blowing the in the wind. sliding across the ground dependent on the wind the sky the clouds the moon the sun the stars moving up towards the sky and floating back down to the earth, solid ground. reality. the rubbed eyes of morning splendor.
Lay it all out there on the line. Leave it for the air to toss, wind to move. Let it breathe in and suffocate the insides, confounding your heart and mesmorizing the mind. Ideas of never ending realities conjured from that air, that artificial self created beyond the mind, enamored in the soul, berated by things of want and desire. brought down by the realities of it all. physical tangible involved. The path ahead of you is how you made it. The rocks, the guises, the twists and follys. Process of that battle that is within everyone. Your life creed and creedo. How you live and why you live it. It's as dark as a place as you want it. darker than a cave at night with your eyes closed. darker than the dreams that you can't remember. Darker than the untouched parts of your being.
But whose to say what your doing. Isnt any action just a reaction. Is there any true cause. Is every cause and matter of effect. Is anything i do solitary to the point. Point where I am acting solely upon that act. Stand up be original and know that what I am doing is what I want to do.
All this cryptic talk of the heart. and its happenings. Maybe i need to be less of a wordsmith and just shed the humanity that i am feeling. To write about what I am feeling in its honesty. For the longest time i have convinced myself that I'm confused. Never really sure if I'm happy or sad. Alive or depressed. like lillie pad i'm just jumping from one to another. pursueing the thoughts of better lives. as for now...yeah as for now. I'm frustrated.
Frustrated how things can seem so good but yet I feel so torn. I can see the road infront of me but no idea where it goes. I'm dragging my foot along. why. why must I feel like i'm being chastised. why must I feel like i'm being held down, pushed back, cut short. I feel as if things I love must disappear from me. Friends, family, girls, loved ones. Fade away. Nothing in life seems forever. I'm going to say it, 2006 what a complete shit of a year. Everything I wanted came back to throw up in my face. Everything i wanted to accomplish went down the shitter. School, love, music, family blew up in my face. and me forgetting to wear my safety gear. putting my heart out on the line too willing to get hurt too willing to forgoe all the precautionary efforts. a daredevil humanist. watch tim jump over burning cars and fall in love with a girl out of his league. watch him tame a lion and recieve nothing on his birthday...than push it further to christmas too. not for the weak of heart and the ease of faint. watch his dreams get dashed and push ahead. a product of his own philandering.
I know my fate. I know my ending. Is it the product of my intentions or the product of my enviroment. Doomed for loves lost because well i'm the one whose losing. but like i said its all a game of reactions and i've had practice. I know what to expect, i know what to do to hold on to to hope for to feel for pastuering for things i know.
so heres to say this. My love feels expendable because i feel that way. That inbetween guy. The person at ease to like but just at ease to know there is something better. I guess that doesnt make me a bad person or anything along those lines. I accept my fate. There is something better than tim zimm for most. I'm not sure really not anymore. but who cares really. at this point. how has being observant gotten to me.
I'm ok. with whatever happens. i can hold my chest up. keep walking. I understand that sometimes the sour is great and drowning. the bitter is immense and over beaing. lyrics to a song, words to a sentence. fallibility of life is interesting. no one lives it perfect yet everyone tries. no one wanting what they need but getting whats in their path. layers of god. layers of god? Whose to say. Fate and the cycle. The id and the sub conscience. the who i am and the what i hate about him. Why I feel great except when thoughts of those appear. Reactions to undersirablness. Reactions to loss. Reaction to my nihilist approach. Absent emotion and lackadasical approach. Is it time to turn things up. To grab it all in my fist. To realize that it is my path i'm on. and up to me how i cross it. To take responsibility for my life. I understand trust me. When does the line change from emotion to bitching. Who has the right to bitch. Why let unpleasantness ruin. When did i get so afraid of sucess. Ambitions swept away. Letting exterior motives run my interior directives.
that's life though. only as tough as you make it. only thing you can trully control is your attitude. all else is the weather. i can make it rain no more than i can make someone love me. make someone want me. make someone understand me. guess that is the beauty in it all. The damp of the soil and the mist of the grass. Drops on a leaf and smile of a stranger. smell of familiar and the feel of love. it all swirls and swoops like the breeze on a summer day. no longer to die than to blow. all life is a stack of papers blowing the in the wind. sliding across the ground dependent on the wind the sky the clouds the moon the sun the stars moving up towards the sky and floating back down to the earth, solid ground. reality. the rubbed eyes of morning splendor.
posted by Tim Zimm | 1:15 AM
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