Hrmm...

I wanna say that this has been a year of change, possible reknewal, interluding connections of love, friendship, betrayal, heartache, rememberence, and all of that sort of stuff. I wanna say that this transition between the kid, the teenager, the young adult, the adult, the person who I am right now, currently-has been transformed, molded by the events from the recent past. I wanna say that this year the learning year of life, educational interactions of people and lives. It's all muddled. A morning shake in the blender. Ready for the taking. Sliced, diced, puraed into this non distinguishable substance. Stuff happens. you react. events occur. you gauge. you react again. it's process as simple as a synapse. one electrical node spark from one wire to another in the brain.


I need sleep. Why must I continue to be awake at this hour. Am I trying to stretch myself out. Ridding the last of the nerves i have. Frightfully fighting this unease in my stomach.


I like the way things are going mostly right now. How can I not be. I have this wonderful apartment. Gives me a new outlook on life. David is a great roomie. I have good friends (when i see them) work is getting better, no longer a closing slave, schools out and i'm proud of my semester it's lackadasical but damn good for working full time. (closing everynight too) I need to shake this funk. I need to realize life isn't reciprocal. However much i wanna believe that I wasn't given a chance, I wasn't allowed my full potential, I wasn't able to do what I could. All taht doesn't matter. I know who I am. where I come from. and what to do.

i need to sleep. but i need to write. push everything out of my head. put it on paper so i can think.

but i'm too tired. and tomm.s too long. i know what to say but how to say it is difficult.

i know the future. i know what lays ahead. were all in a book that has already been written. gaoodnight.