Ease?
I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach. One of thos ones you can't explain.
I figured it was from the lack of sleep. or maybe the abdunance of cafeine. or maybe just stress from school and work.
There's a lot of change going on right now. My life is spinning around, moving, running, falling, not stopping. Is that feeling the feeling of not being able to breathe. Like a sucker punch. I'm out of my families house, and i havnet once thought about them. I feel bad. I think sometimes about if my dad died how much i would hate myself. Is that a normal thought. Is that sane.
New place, new peoplem, new events, new problems, did anything get solved. Do i just have layers upon layers of stuff to wade through. these thoughts i think than move on from, to they have more meaning than i think. Am I selfish? What do I have to say up against the millions massacred, the millions starving, the millions disenfranchised. Friviousl am I?
I'm full of all this un easiness. Today i talked about my mom non challantly at work. Why do I have to be aware of everything going on around me. Why can't i skid through life not understanding people. I'm so compassionate because I feel what people are feeling.
I know where I will be in 10 years. It's a scary thought. I see everyone around me settling in, getting ready for the long ride. Should I be happy that I'm tredging through, going my own way. Not settling. But is it not my decision to settle. Am I doomed for a life of wanting things that are unattainable. Do I even have a league to play in. Is it just winter. Is it just the cold air, lifeless earth, disjointing sky, it it fueling my uneasiness. Maybe I'm asking too much, or not enough, or not the right questions. Am I not supposed to ask?
Dare I live a life of reactions. Only being the part of the effect never the cause. DOes that make me any better than an ant.
Am I uneasy because I know whats going to happen. I'm afraid to face it. To scared to realize it. Unease is being uncertain about the uncertain.
Am I uneasy because i feel like chances are slipping away. Away and out of my hands. Chances that were meant to be taken. Chances that had a life. Chances that were taking its first breaths. Stomped out. Never given longer than a second. Do i feel regret about the things I care about the most. Do I regret the things i trully want anyway. Do I want these things I need. Do I need to breathe.
Is it all out of my hands. Was i never given a chance. Am i character in a book that has had its past present and future pencilled.
What do I care about. Why do I care. Am I forcing things. Am I not even trying.
Do I already know the answer.
questions of life. the questionable life.
the unexamined life isnt worth living
the examined life makes it hard to live
so what do we have as middle ground...
uneasiness.
unease.
uneasy.
I figured it was from the lack of sleep. or maybe the abdunance of cafeine. or maybe just stress from school and work.
There's a lot of change going on right now. My life is spinning around, moving, running, falling, not stopping. Is that feeling the feeling of not being able to breathe. Like a sucker punch. I'm out of my families house, and i havnet once thought about them. I feel bad. I think sometimes about if my dad died how much i would hate myself. Is that a normal thought. Is that sane.
New place, new peoplem, new events, new problems, did anything get solved. Do i just have layers upon layers of stuff to wade through. these thoughts i think than move on from, to they have more meaning than i think. Am I selfish? What do I have to say up against the millions massacred, the millions starving, the millions disenfranchised. Friviousl am I?
I'm full of all this un easiness. Today i talked about my mom non challantly at work. Why do I have to be aware of everything going on around me. Why can't i skid through life not understanding people. I'm so compassionate because I feel what people are feeling.
I know where I will be in 10 years. It's a scary thought. I see everyone around me settling in, getting ready for the long ride. Should I be happy that I'm tredging through, going my own way. Not settling. But is it not my decision to settle. Am I doomed for a life of wanting things that are unattainable. Do I even have a league to play in. Is it just winter. Is it just the cold air, lifeless earth, disjointing sky, it it fueling my uneasiness. Maybe I'm asking too much, or not enough, or not the right questions. Am I not supposed to ask?
Dare I live a life of reactions. Only being the part of the effect never the cause. DOes that make me any better than an ant.
Am I uneasy because I know whats going to happen. I'm afraid to face it. To scared to realize it. Unease is being uncertain about the uncertain.
Am I uneasy because i feel like chances are slipping away. Away and out of my hands. Chances that were meant to be taken. Chances that had a life. Chances that were taking its first breaths. Stomped out. Never given longer than a second. Do i feel regret about the things I care about the most. Do I regret the things i trully want anyway. Do I want these things I need. Do I need to breathe.
Is it all out of my hands. Was i never given a chance. Am i character in a book that has had its past present and future pencilled.
What do I care about. Why do I care. Am I forcing things. Am I not even trying.
Do I already know the answer.
questions of life. the questionable life.
the unexamined life isnt worth living
the examined life makes it hard to live
so what do we have as middle ground...
uneasiness.
unease.
uneasy.
posted by Tim Zimm | 2:07 AM
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