Real

So, you say you love. but when I hear those words, all they become are words. Thoughts behind emotions behind words, makes them feel warm and real. Words uttered out of your mouth are but mere hollowed out emotions. You love me. How. I don't see it. Quite possibly it's invisible like the words you speak.

You do all this maybe for one reason, for you to feel sorry for yourself. You want to feel like your treating me like crap. You want to talk about how your torturing the poor soul of me to others. You want other people to feel sorry for you, to say I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You are an exhibitionist of your own demise. Should I play along. Should I feel contempt, sadness, alienation. Do I allow you to feel this. At first I think why not, everyone deserves the admiration of others, everyone needs to feel sorrow. But I am not game. This is not overtime. No one is having the game winning shot. No one is taking any glory, sad or happy. You keep pushing and i'll keep my distance. How far will you push before the is no more edge left.

I am a friend. Not only that I am a friend that has been around you for so long. Seen you at your worst, never gave up on you. Always had faith in you. Always wished the best for you. You accept these new friends. New is good. Life is full of changes and you have to roll with them. But remember at a time when you will be in trouble. I hope these new friends are there for you. Cause after there is no more edge there is no more return. You go out and have fun. You get drunk with these people. Let them take advantage of you. Let them use you up. Become an object. You fall ino that so many times. I will be fallilng. With no wings, there will be no help. I hope you see that this path your carving out is your own. And for all your Hopes and Aspirations that the only thing will come out of it is what you put into it. And if you keep wanting to feel these painful feelings. Than you may not be able to be where you want to be. More likely you will be where that guy you like will be. Old, workin at a dead end job, with no hopes and just drinking and being stupid. Why not. What else is there in life to do.

As a history major I know one thing, unless you learn from the past you are doomed to learn from it. And the best way to learn from the past is to keep it close. You have pushed everyone out of the way. I am the last bit of that. I am the bridge. I am the one who sticks up for you from everyone. I stick up for you. I hope you stick up for me. But why should you when I'm not new. I am just a part of that old self.

Think about all the criticism you get from people about me, and time that by ten and that what i get. Bullshit. That's all I have to say. I hope you feel sorry for yourself so atleast someone is getting something out of this.