Callous

Is it wrong to think that maybe she doesn't totally love me. Is it wrong for me to be upset that if she is that she forgot how to show it. She can hang out till 3 a.m. with people she barely knows but with me i have to be gone or she has to be gone early. Does she not find me attractive. Does she like me to even kiss her. She pulls away when i go for a kiss, what does that mean? It doesn't matter what it means what does matter is it hurts my feelings. Why do I feel distance. Is she telling me the truth. Do I trust her. She has to regain trust she should know that. I told her I trust her like I did in the past but she should know im appeasing her. She has to earn it. She needs to remember she's lucky to have me. I didn't realize that till recent. She's the lucky one. I do love Lindsay dearly. She is the most important person in my life, but without that feeling come back to me, why on earth should i try so hard. Why must I be the one constantly putting forth energy. I have been putting forth energy from Sept. 1. Why do I feel neglected. Why do I feel this air of Fragileness. Does she Accept me. She says she loves me. But she also said she loved me in June of last year. I would do anything for that girl. I would. Sometimes I wish she felt the same way I felt about her. I just want to know for sure she loves me. or if she doesn't. But if she doesn't things are going to get cut. No more talking. No more seeing her parents. It's done. Is that why she's keeping me around.

There is one thing for sure. I love Lindsay. I trully do. I always have. I wish she would just not snap at me so much. I wish I felt her wanting kisses. I want her to stay out till 3 am with me. I do. I don't know what to do. I don't. I'm tired. and blank. I need a vacation from life. I do. Things are going really well right now. that doesn't happen to me. things will mess up surely. in time. I'm just not going to fall flat on my face this time. I'm going to be ready for it. accept the situation and move on. and I hope Lindsay is there by my side.