Supressed.
I think for the most part I just really miss my mom. The fact I don't talk about it makes it worse I suppose. Lindsay thinks I'm just this great guy who gives her so much love she can't give it back what she really doesn't know is that I have no one else to love. I have no mom to run to when I'm sick. I don't have a night solid tight relationship with my dad. Or want to love on my sister. Or have a pet to continually to love all the time. I have her. And I put all my effort towards her. I depend on her I really do.
She told me today that on some days she doesn't want to be with me on other day's she does. How does that work, how do you choose to not want to be with someone only for one day. I go through those thoughts but I don't act upon them cause that is exactly what they are thoughts. and truths. Why won't she love me. Why does she hve to feel trapped. She wants me to trap her so she can break up with her (verbatim). What does that mean. why would she want that. Does she want to be depressed. Right now she feels weird but in reality she's depressed but has no reason to be depressed. That is what breeds this notion of confusion. I only want to be with her if she wants to be with me. I don't want to be an option. I don't want to be just there. I don't want to be around cause she's just afraid she wont find anyone else. I want to be with her cause she trully loves me.
She doesn't know but if this doesn't work out this time than I'm gone. Long gone. I have to. It's a survivalists game and I have to survive. and I must get out. I really hope it doesn't come to that though. I really don't. I love her too much to feel that pain and regret again. I know she's my soul mate. I know she's still trying to rebel and she still even though no matter how many times she denies it she has this urge to fit in. It's only natural we all do. She's a beautiful girl and I'm still afraid one day she will find out who I really am. A fat ogreish loaf. It's life
asdl;fasfsad;fsafd
sadfsafdasdf
afdasfdasdflhjase ;aiefaswf;as
dfasodhe;fiha; dsfa
asdfol aisfdasf
sa dfsa jfope9hgaugha;sad'foasjf wa
that about sums it up.
She told me today that on some days she doesn't want to be with me on other day's she does. How does that work, how do you choose to not want to be with someone only for one day. I go through those thoughts but I don't act upon them cause that is exactly what they are thoughts. and truths. Why won't she love me. Why does she hve to feel trapped. She wants me to trap her so she can break up with her (verbatim). What does that mean. why would she want that. Does she want to be depressed. Right now she feels weird but in reality she's depressed but has no reason to be depressed. That is what breeds this notion of confusion. I only want to be with her if she wants to be with me. I don't want to be an option. I don't want to be just there. I don't want to be around cause she's just afraid she wont find anyone else. I want to be with her cause she trully loves me.
She doesn't know but if this doesn't work out this time than I'm gone. Long gone. I have to. It's a survivalists game and I have to survive. and I must get out. I really hope it doesn't come to that though. I really don't. I love her too much to feel that pain and regret again. I know she's my soul mate. I know she's still trying to rebel and she still even though no matter how many times she denies it she has this urge to fit in. It's only natural we all do. She's a beautiful girl and I'm still afraid one day she will find out who I really am. A fat ogreish loaf. It's life
asdl;fasfsad;fsafd
sadfsafdasdf
afdasfdasdflhjase ;aiefaswf;as
dfasodhe;fiha; dsfa
asdfol aisfdasf
sa dfsa jfope9hgaugha;sad'foasjf wa
that about sums it up.
posted by Tim Zimm | 11:50 PM
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