to those whose ever had to repeat the words calm down walking up the stairs
to those whose ever had to know their own unrelenting heart
to those whose ever had to convince yourself otherwise
to those whose known the truth but fought against it
to those who struggle beyonds the means of neccessity

what a i doing. how could i be this naive. who the fuck am i. i'm nothing. and i understand. i'm the horse who better than some but not most. i'm a nerd. an adult. boring. barking up wrong trees. smelling roses that arent bloomed.

i'm an idiot. whose knows better. i'm a valentine for the sake of. a romantic in a generation of theives. destined to a life of debravity till the heart that once was shrivels away leaving only dusty shadows and echos. tears on bungee cords. afriad of heights and no where to go.

calm down. calm down. calm down. calm down. calm down. calm down. calm down. calmdown. c a l m d o w n . calmd own. cale daown. dalm. cown.


i know what i am. and thats ok. a sap. easily ran over. easily contrived. do this do that do this so i can do that do this because i want you to do that because i said so.
yes ma'am. calm down. calm down. clam down. calm down.

james dean stuck in an age of fergies.

jack kerovack stuck in the age of speed limits.

holden caulfiend stuck in an age of prescibed medications and dillusions of self important and love.

i'm a mirror to whatever you want. i'm a shape shifter who knows no shapes. only a mold free of a heart lost of a soul.

i dare you to look into the eyes of your mom as she takes her last breath. i dare you to be come a clerk in your own family. doomed to formalities and little less. yes sir. paper or plastic. did you want fries with that. did you need assistance to your car. i love you dad. hand shake and a nod. forgotten life and distance in the sun. horizons blinded by ones own eyes. why should i open wide when its dark outside.


i'm a bowling pin. a practice swing. a blitz in a back yard football game. a safe zone past the time out. a no fair thats life. it's ok, it's a path less traveled. full of weeds and bushes, snakes and scorpions, love and poison.

i'm the back up on the bench. biding his time till the starter returns. lack of confidence and full of remorse. hiding behind a facade of meaning and a contortion of concern.

it's no ones fault, one creates his own niche. one creates his own destiny. one can create his own demise.

calm dow2n. calm down. calmdown. calmd down. calm down. calmd down. calm down. calm down. calm down.




i'm a broken heart whose not going to know any better. i'm a best thing thatll ever happen to you. i'm a broken heart.


i'm doomed to a life of missing. missing love. missing you. missing peices. and a missing heart.

in a life where whats good is not whats want in a life where whats important is lost ina life where whats meaningful is forgotten

where is there left.

no safe house. no time out. no redoes. nothing.

only me.

feeling like shit.

shit rolled in more shit.


having his own heart sacraficed

watching it pump its last attempt

and vanishing into what ever the next chapter is

leaving behind a trail of memories

exsisting only because what was will always be what is.