Actuality

Sometimes in life you just have to admit to yourself that there is happiness outside of your reign, however unpredictable, however deceiving it looks, however it shows up. There is no one way road to what anyone thinks is their happy life. I'm narcissist in the way that I feel like I have all the answer all the time and they all involve me and my conclusion of how anyone should live their life. How selfish is that. I'm lowered my life to a fortune cookie, thoughtless information that can be influential to someone's life just not yours. I'm not a doom type person, infact I'm not all that sad and lonely all the time, I'm content. I'm human. I'm jealous. Not because I envisioned myself in a different aspect towards me and numerous amounts of other peoples life. I'm jealous that I haven't found that one thing that keeps people inherently going. Whether it is art, or music, or finding that special someone. I do have being nice, and doing the right thing. It's hard to make that the one thing to keep me going because life is an obstacle course and it throws everything at you to see if you'll take the easy way out or hard way. Without even knowing I've been taking a short cut. Important is a degree of communication and honesty. and Inevitably it is up to the individual person to decide their importance. I chose wrongly. Life is emotions and feelings no matter good no matter bad. It's how I let them effect me that might force feed me my own misery. 24 hours in a day and I spend 1 hour a day for the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself in one month I've lost a whole day to my own inaptitude.
I guess what I'm saying is I'm wasting time and I need to show up to this game called life before not only I lose but I lose big.

So you win. You being every thought I ever had that made sense. That didn't taste just right. That wasn't easy to hold on to. Acceptance increases everones value, and I accept. This is a thing called life and everyone's is different. I can't always be in driver seat for the ones I love, sometimes I have to be out on the curb looking for a new car to hail.