Thinking.
Cute kittie. Cute girl.
maybe I should expand. I decided a long while back that I was not going to force myself into any situation. I was not going to go specifically looking for a girl. I was not going to put a description in my mind and match it to that...really for anything, because life does not follow your rules. or my rules. Life follows life. It does thing unpredicted but planned. It gives you commons but throws you off base. It says you believe this, you want this, you think this but here's that. It's not a test but a reaction. No life is meant to be "safe" in that color. Where nothing disagrees and the grass is always green, life is differences but more along the lines of contemplation. The thoughts that were provoked. I always wondered if life really was puzzle pieces and ultimately it was up to you to piece it together. Now I think life is a coloring book. Where there are lines but you don't have to stay in them, it's a duck but it can be a purple duck. Yet the end product is what it's supposed to be...a picture. (a life). Life (which once again is interchangeable with God(or what have you)) gives you situations and lets you free to react upon them, for who you are is nothing but reactions of what happened and what is going to happen. So when you find someone that you can talk to, that you tell pretty much everything to, things you don't really talk about ever, you become enamored with that person, because talking is the soul. Nothing is as easy as baking a cake, guidelines and rules, nomenclature and society locks are all weighed upon what you do and what you want to do. Every girl I've liked has had something about them that made it hard just to say alright let's do this, whether it be having a boyfriend, living far away, moving away, confusion of feelings, strife is life's work horse. Comes down to doing what is easy or what is right, and both are hard to figure out. Nihilism is a bad approach but the most accessible. Not just in girls but in life.
Every problem I've had or situation that has occurred I have acted and reacted in the ways that I thought were accordingly. I didn't cry when my mom told me she had cancer. I didn't cry the day my family stood around her and prayed. I didn't cry when she died. I didn't cry when my dad was on my shoulders. I actually almost didn't cry at the funeral but i caught a glimpse of this uncle I really like and he was cry so I guess it just made it easier. I just accepted what was in front of me. Adversaries are there to test life and death is the final answer to it all. The second you are conceived you are dieing. Just the time may vary. Which is why I really don't mention my mom too much, not because I didn't like her au contrair I was a mamma's boy and I am intelligent today because of her, I have an excellent work ethic because of her. But something like that happening at a pivotal point in ones life forces you to think about what life is and what life means. It's been 4 years and I still haven't figured it out. Other than I find it pointless to hate in life, to treat badly people in life, to do malice, because Life is inherently already hard who am I to make it worse for others. Who am I to think and act and talk in ways that make other people seem inferior or wrong when there are no wrong or right answers, only answers to different situations with different minds, with different reactions, with different variables. I just act upon ways that I would want for myself.
I know that was a jump off from my main point, but I do that, also there is an ant crawling on my ceiling. Kind of amazing that gravity has it's exceptions too.
back to the point, point of the cute kittie, cute girl. Which are 2 of my favorite things, and upon themselves at the same times is a wondrous thing. All I do is just take life what it's worth, and it's worth more than anyone thinks.
maybe I should expand. I decided a long while back that I was not going to force myself into any situation. I was not going to go specifically looking for a girl. I was not going to put a description in my mind and match it to that...really for anything, because life does not follow your rules. or my rules. Life follows life. It does thing unpredicted but planned. It gives you commons but throws you off base. It says you believe this, you want this, you think this but here's that. It's not a test but a reaction. No life is meant to be "safe" in that color. Where nothing disagrees and the grass is always green, life is differences but more along the lines of contemplation. The thoughts that were provoked. I always wondered if life really was puzzle pieces and ultimately it was up to you to piece it together. Now I think life is a coloring book. Where there are lines but you don't have to stay in them, it's a duck but it can be a purple duck. Yet the end product is what it's supposed to be...a picture. (a life). Life (which once again is interchangeable with God(or what have you)) gives you situations and lets you free to react upon them, for who you are is nothing but reactions of what happened and what is going to happen. So when you find someone that you can talk to, that you tell pretty much everything to, things you don't really talk about ever, you become enamored with that person, because talking is the soul. Nothing is as easy as baking a cake, guidelines and rules, nomenclature and society locks are all weighed upon what you do and what you want to do. Every girl I've liked has had something about them that made it hard just to say alright let's do this, whether it be having a boyfriend, living far away, moving away, confusion of feelings, strife is life's work horse. Comes down to doing what is easy or what is right, and both are hard to figure out. Nihilism is a bad approach but the most accessible. Not just in girls but in life.
Every problem I've had or situation that has occurred I have acted and reacted in the ways that I thought were accordingly. I didn't cry when my mom told me she had cancer. I didn't cry the day my family stood around her and prayed. I didn't cry when she died. I didn't cry when my dad was on my shoulders. I actually almost didn't cry at the funeral but i caught a glimpse of this uncle I really like and he was cry so I guess it just made it easier. I just accepted what was in front of me. Adversaries are there to test life and death is the final answer to it all. The second you are conceived you are dieing. Just the time may vary. Which is why I really don't mention my mom too much, not because I didn't like her au contrair I was a mamma's boy and I am intelligent today because of her, I have an excellent work ethic because of her. But something like that happening at a pivotal point in ones life forces you to think about what life is and what life means. It's been 4 years and I still haven't figured it out. Other than I find it pointless to hate in life, to treat badly people in life, to do malice, because Life is inherently already hard who am I to make it worse for others. Who am I to think and act and talk in ways that make other people seem inferior or wrong when there are no wrong or right answers, only answers to different situations with different minds, with different reactions, with different variables. I just act upon ways that I would want for myself.
I know that was a jump off from my main point, but I do that, also there is an ant crawling on my ceiling. Kind of amazing that gravity has it's exceptions too.
back to the point, point of the cute kittie, cute girl. Which are 2 of my favorite things, and upon themselves at the same times is a wondrous thing. All I do is just take life what it's worth, and it's worth more than anyone thinks.
posted by Tim Zimm | 11:09 PM
1 Comments:
Wonderful entry.
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