emptiness.

The more and more I think about it, the more and more it stews, the longer it wakes, tosses and turns in the pit of my stomach in the front of my mind, the more I just ignore it the more it screams at me. My ex is engaged and getting married. It's like staring at the sun, it's bad for you but it's euphoric the way the light blinds everything to darkness. I try not to let it effect me but I guess if I think about it, it just hurts. Hurts cause it almost feels like i'm destined to solitude. Cause I feel like her being engaged causes no means to an ends.

There are plenty of girls I like/love. Some more than others. Few so much. I forget that life is a series of events, and the causality of them is sporadic and unequational. Life just flows, like a rived moving in and around blockades, eroding rocks, dirt, everything to smooth than to nothing. As time moves on, erosion will cause my life to be smooth, but when will that happen. I'm patient but I'm also a bit lonely. I need a balance. a full circle. a hand to hold, a cheek to kiss, a shoulder to lean on, eyes to look at.