what?!?

funny how everything is different a week later. a week that started out with hope and happiness exuburence about life and it's plausabilities. Now at the end only looking at what could have been. My ex is engaged and that shattered my bones for a few days, not so much the fact that i wanted to marry her, but more along the lines that it's not fair that she has someone. and I don't. Or I might have had, excecpt like always she has perfect timing to to forge a valley in my movement forward. I don't even neccessarily want to get married, but I do want to have that someone to have the chance with. no matter how slim. margin of error is only in the eyes of fantasm. I've been shell shocked all week really. cause now that linds is engaged it is obvious that it is me who is messing up with life. and for once i thought i made of had a new start, even if it didn't go anywhere it was a start. i guess i was so at awe that i didn't put the car in gear, just sitting their on idle. So what started off as a week of up lifted self hope and self image to now which has made me painfully aware of how inadequate I am at with what i hold dear to the most. girls. girl. you. everyone.