Point Taken.

What happened to the nice guy. Did he get lost in the shuffle. How can that be when I look in the mirror I'm still here. I'm not picture perfect but I act like everyone else is. Is this a shattered look at life. Peering through leaves on a tree, seeing only what the tree lets you. Is optmism better than pessism. Where does blind optmism lead. I don't pretend to be perfect but I don't pretend to be things I am not. We're a dieing breed. The unattached nice guy. The non-crux person. I'm not nice because I'm uber religious. I'm not nice because I have an addiction to drugs. I'm nice because thats how I want to be treated. How great would this world be if people just did things in the lights of themselves, we're already shallow enough to make this life all about ourselves. Why not think and act like everyone else is you. Or maybe everyone in life is blinded by the sight of indifference towards getting what they want. Karma. Karma has more science than anyone would like to think. Life is a cycle. Everything in this world and others live lives in a cycle. Born, grow, die. Things have to come full circle. People wonder why everyone is out to get them, but maybe it's because their out to get everyone. I'm nice. I put everyone else in front of me, in the hopes that maybe they will do the same. It's getting hard though. Everyone is so pre-occupied with themselves. Understandable to a point. Because in the end it is just you. But life is not about you. It's about people, nature, moods, thoughts. You can not be independent of the cycle. Yet I do all these things for everyone, and nothing comes my way. I'm nice to everyone to no avale. I'm nice to you doesn't mean that you can be not nice to someone else. Forgiveness, is about as tasty as regret. Yet hand in hand do they walk. I do my best for the most part, is it hard for this world to do the same. Grudges and prejudices are so trivial that it's uncomprehendable why people depend on them. People will always be people. Mob mentality is bad news, and everyone is doing it.

So what should I do. They say, you should surround yourself by successful people inorder to be successful, Now I don't mean in the light of business and fiscal. What's the associating with people who are self sufficent to the point of self dependency. Why should I devout all my breath and life to people who don't appreciate the ideas of life. Empty hopes and pipe dreams are the drugs of self sufficient people. The laws of life need not apply. I will not understand hate. Though I can play with fire, I won't get burned. Stick your hand in it enough you will get calloused. I don't want to be calloused. Callousness loses the grip of respect. And I hold that too close to lose it. For myself and others.

I do all this for what expectations, should I feel obliged to have things come my way. Why is that people who don't appreciate the fine lining of life get things handed to them. Is that the cycle. What does this all mean to me. Why do I feel like I'm getting shafted. You can't always have the best hand in the game. Is it time for me to bluff and take my chances. Or should I say i've won enough I'm bound to lose. Streaks happen, winning or losing. Yet everyone feels like I'm losing something. Is that the fact of life with the process of growing. When a tree grows does it lose branches and roots. Branches maybe but not roots. I guess you can't lose your past.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm going at life alone and all I want is just someone to be there. Knowing that this problem isn't unique doesn't help. Knowing that this problem when it come's down to it, is my own created demise doesn't help. What does help is being aware. I am grateful for so many things in my life that it makes this one thing feel so much more important. I know I am lucky by all means, within the sprectrum of the universe it's almost wrong for me to even complain. But strange how love is the most curable disease that we're all dieing from.