Recreation.

Sometimes at work, when everything is flying at me a million miles an hour, and everything is bombarding my brain, and i have too little time to think about what is going on in my life and everyone elses, i get nervous. My brain creates this slow process of realizing things in my life that is not what i want, creating suspicions of situations that I would not want. It's like I have so little time to think about myself that the thoughts that do come out are the more important, prevelant ones in my life. I get so worked up about the feelings of growing up alone that my head starts to hurt and my stomach starts to ache, my body begins to feel weak and my self wants to shut down, because what good is a life if you can't share it. What good will be my life, if i'm stuck at walgreens for 50 years bossing kids around and getting let down. I get this feeling of what happens when the one you know what yours is gone, and theirs no chance of getting it back. I have always been a member of chance, a purserer of fate. A habitual hoper. Give me an inch and I'll take it a mile. I don't have an inch right now, all I have is an infinate amount of choices and limited amount of resources. A point of too many options and not enough certains. I want to be certain that I will enjoy life, I want to be certain that I will have someone there by my side, I want to be certain that everything I do right now is for that person I envision myself as 20 years from now. 10 years from now. 1 year from now. I do not want to work hard and fail. I do not want to grow up alone. Yet when I'm at work and having to deal with everyone's problems and not mine, mine get unsure and upsetting. I love life and all it's situations, but I loved life more when I had situations within some one dear. Life seems more determinable when you have someone on your team. Life can grow pretty daunting when you alone in the outfield.