Fake
The more and more I see people. The more and more I start to realize. When did fake become part of the norm. When is it ok for anyone to pretend for be something there not. In life that sickens me. It makes me angry. All these people boys, girls, all put up a front. When i meet a girl or start to chase a girl I let them know upfront i am who i am. i like who i am. i am not going to change who i am. is it because im stubborn. or is it that i just trust my character. but these guys I just dont trust them. and for that part I dont trust most girls. The difference between them is that girls will accept the flattery and not tell you what they think, they like the attention. Boys are just trying to get some ass. Flat out and simple. All this macho man bullshit drives me mad. Who i fucked. How many times. How many girls. It doesnt interest me. Why does anyone want to have that number so high. What does that say about a person. It says you can make a girl believe you are something your not. Cause for the most part girls will have relations with guys the believe are to be true to their heart. (true as in the sense of what a great guy is). I dont like girls who will give up themselves. Give up that one piece of a person that is supposed to be owed to the person you love. I've had 3 lovers and i feel like thats already too high. I would be embarrassed to say that. but I will.
I will admit most of this stems from Lindsay. I see a girl like Lindsay, and hey call me biased if you may, but she is just this picture of a girl who doesnt need to be tainted by what guys can do to a girl. She had a little taste with the clingy manapulative type i dont want her to meet the other side. It can hurt. It will hurt. She has self respect and i'd hate to see her lose it. But all these guys are gunning for her. Maybe not neccassrily on purpose to have sex with her or anything but just after her. But it just drives me mad that she might find a boyfriend and forget about me. and that worries me. Cause honestly the way i look at it, she forget about me with the manipulator it will happen again. that scares me. i dont know how but she just gets to me. she's at my core. I can't fight it. i've tried. we mesh to well. alas thats something else.
as for these fake people. they all have agendas. they all sacrafice themselves.
Ughhh i just wish i could get over her.
I really wish I could. I just can't. Honestly this weekend was quite possibly one of the best one's ive had in a long time. I know it was a fluke though. She likes cuddles. She likes love. She doesnt want me. She just knows she can have me. and she's not even doing it to be cruel. by no means.
I was there. and willing. why not. I would of done the same thing. but man how nice would it be.
To me I feel like I never got an apropiate second chance. I dont know if she's just scared or just doesnt want me. I think its more along the lines she doesnt want a relationship. I think she realizes that she's beautiful and can get any guy. why not play the field. why not change the scenery.
She thinks a relationship would destroy her ambition. I think refusing one destroys her possibilities. A good relationship gives you so many opurtunities. I think back to me and lindsay and i believe i might not have even gone to Texas State or Taken my Internship, or gotten over the death of my mom. All those things i needed someone to help me. I wish I could help her. I get so worked up about her. and i tell myself time and time not to get worked up. To just let things drop, take it as is. But why do i let things light as a feather cut me deep. I read into things. I just set myself up for disaster. I know the best thing would just stop being friends. Forgetting is the easiest way out. I dont accept taking the easy way. I want to live life. I want to make mistakes. And no matter how much of a mistake this might be or is, I accept the consequences. I will gain knowledge and learn about the situations of life. I like fate. I like where it might take me. Life is a challenge. I accept it. I accept who I am. I can only be me. And I can only live the life i am living the best i can. I refuse to be fake. I do not want to be an atypical male. I dont want to sacrafice my mind for my body. I dont want to refuse philosophy to discuss cars. I dont want to lose my self respect to fuck a girl and leave her. I want to treat people with respect and give everyone a chance and most a second chance.
I want my second chance. I really do. I want lindsay back. There's a difference between wants and needs. You dont get wants it's not a neccassary. Needs are important. I need to feel loved. and Loved by someone i appreciate. That's hard to come by. It' s Sunday and the memories of friday are disappearing. That's what life boils down to. Fading memories.
I will admit most of this stems from Lindsay. I see a girl like Lindsay, and hey call me biased if you may, but she is just this picture of a girl who doesnt need to be tainted by what guys can do to a girl. She had a little taste with the clingy manapulative type i dont want her to meet the other side. It can hurt. It will hurt. She has self respect and i'd hate to see her lose it. But all these guys are gunning for her. Maybe not neccassrily on purpose to have sex with her or anything but just after her. But it just drives me mad that she might find a boyfriend and forget about me. and that worries me. Cause honestly the way i look at it, she forget about me with the manipulator it will happen again. that scares me. i dont know how but she just gets to me. she's at my core. I can't fight it. i've tried. we mesh to well. alas thats something else.
as for these fake people. they all have agendas. they all sacrafice themselves.
Ughhh i just wish i could get over her.
I really wish I could. I just can't. Honestly this weekend was quite possibly one of the best one's ive had in a long time. I know it was a fluke though. She likes cuddles. She likes love. She doesnt want me. She just knows she can have me. and she's not even doing it to be cruel. by no means.
I was there. and willing. why not. I would of done the same thing. but man how nice would it be.
To me I feel like I never got an apropiate second chance. I dont know if she's just scared or just doesnt want me. I think its more along the lines she doesnt want a relationship. I think she realizes that she's beautiful and can get any guy. why not play the field. why not change the scenery.
She thinks a relationship would destroy her ambition. I think refusing one destroys her possibilities. A good relationship gives you so many opurtunities. I think back to me and lindsay and i believe i might not have even gone to Texas State or Taken my Internship, or gotten over the death of my mom. All those things i needed someone to help me. I wish I could help her. I get so worked up about her. and i tell myself time and time not to get worked up. To just let things drop, take it as is. But why do i let things light as a feather cut me deep. I read into things. I just set myself up for disaster. I know the best thing would just stop being friends. Forgetting is the easiest way out. I dont accept taking the easy way. I want to live life. I want to make mistakes. And no matter how much of a mistake this might be or is, I accept the consequences. I will gain knowledge and learn about the situations of life. I like fate. I like where it might take me. Life is a challenge. I accept it. I accept who I am. I can only be me. And I can only live the life i am living the best i can. I refuse to be fake. I do not want to be an atypical male. I dont want to sacrafice my mind for my body. I dont want to refuse philosophy to discuss cars. I dont want to lose my self respect to fuck a girl and leave her. I want to treat people with respect and give everyone a chance and most a second chance.
I want my second chance. I really do. I want lindsay back. There's a difference between wants and needs. You dont get wants it's not a neccassary. Needs are important. I need to feel loved. and Loved by someone i appreciate. That's hard to come by. It' s Sunday and the memories of friday are disappearing. That's what life boils down to. Fading memories.
posted by Tim Zimm | 7:24 PM
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