Goo...

I'm exhausted. I can close my eyes and the room will spin. an axis indpendent of me. I have a headache with the pressures of life closing in. Decisions Decisions Decisions... I just wish we could live in moments.

I love moments. They have a tendency to freeze time but if only briefly. Time which seems to be against all of us. 2 days ago i was riding my bike now i'm 22.

Can love be forced. Can love be a pursuit. How do I know whats for me. How do I know if she knows. Can love be wrong. Can i be wrong. Does God have a plan or is it up to me. To find love. Happiness. a pursuit of life.

My mood. Does it really matter. Does any of it really. I have this awful feelings i'm going to become Descartian. Acknowleding anything i do or perceive is wrong.

I guess i really dont know what to even think, my mind is more mashed than pototoes. It's tired and exhausted. It has a million things going on ontop of another million that is important. How am I going to keep going in this world when i feel like i'm stumbling. I can take solace in the fact that atleast i'm moving.

I have 2 hours to sleep. And all i can think about is I can perceive people so much better than myself. I can intuit things outside of my life. I know what everyone wants except for me. I'll always know other peoples moods and thoughts yet left shadowed in mine own.

Maybe all I need is a kiss goodnight and a everything will be ok.

I tell everyone else their going to be ok, i've just assumed that I may not be.

atleast i have my family. my extended family.

I'm still looking for the time where people go out of their way for me. Still waiting.

i guess thats the whole point of life, is waiting. waiting for that oppurtune time. where your mind fuses with your soul and you realize what you need and love.


i'm just tired more to come later.