Human Investment

There really comes a time when your sitting at home and wondering why it is that your the one sitting at home. I am finding out (probably already knew) that investing in people is risque, unrealiable, and for the most point disappointing. Why put so much into people when life today is self absorbment. The I before the praverbial we. Me before us. and no you. Somehow the earth is busy revolving around everybody on their own instead of the sun. Sorry galileo you obviusly were a humanist. ( i can tell )

So were left with people, the majority, who spend 90 percent of the day worrying about themselves, an ends to a means. Respect has been replaced with pleases and thank you's.
Respect is no longer putting others ahead, cause if you did that where would you be...in the back of the line counting heads, it's a long line might wanna grab a pencil.

So where does that leave me. I wish I could gush about living the right way, having all the answers. I try my best. I invest a little bit of my soul in everyone I meet. More in friends. Even more in loved one. The most in love. I mean really why should I hored this all to myself I already love myself. You know what I don't love...disapointment. I invest all this love, I see something and build all this hope, I feel something and I make the mistake by getting happy, than just like bidding a 100 dollars over on the final showcase for Price is Right, I'm struck with reality. Rules says 100 is correct, but being over never is.

It's a capital investment with gains prospected out the roof but reality is well reality affects it. Romanticism is out. Having an image of people in a good light even with them in dire straights.

Do I set myself up for disaster? possibly. Do I get my hopes up too easily? usually. Do I go through life hiding disappointment? absolutely. Impossible situations make life worth living.

So I find myself alone. Wishing for things that I want and hoping for things I need. My camera is stolen, how fitting. Pieces of happy is contraband in this life.

I dont what to say anymore. let alone doing. I'm in love with life but just like the rest of the girls, life lives too far away. I'm out of life's league anyway. all i got is this shitty blog where it looks like all i ever do is complain. who cares.

i'm tired of being a carpet for humanity. I'm not life's welcome mat. I'm not God's go away housekeeping sign. I'm just a kid trying to figure out what to do with his 6o years. My heart is weak. My state even weaker. Hazards of loving too much, makes the cut even deeper. I'm reacting to my own imagination. I need someone to rescue me. To give me love. To suprise me. To show me that I am worth a damn and that they are my friend. I big hug. A kiss. A pat on the back to say Sorry. For people not to steal my stuff and for people not get caught up so much in their own life.

what will I end up doing...sleeping and dreaming of how life should be.