Remember

Does anyone else feel like they're being left behind. I look at pictures of my forgotten friends, they have moved on, better things, more important people, a new life. I look at these pictures and i feel empty. Where have I disappeared to. Am I just a haze in someone's mind. A forgotten memory. Why have i retreated. Turned my back and sulk into the distance. Did I give up or was I given up on. For years that's all I had, my friends. They were my rock. through sanity. Now what, they create memories of their own. It's only fair for them. I see in these pictures the smiles. I remember making them smile once. Being that guy that could light up a room. Being that guy that everyone wondered when they would show up. Now I'm just here. never there. Hell bent on a life of isolation. desolation. I use to think that everything will find itself again. That we'll all meet up, laugh about the time apart, share the stories of our lives and be a family. a family of friends. I couldn't live without them for years. Now I duck behind pillars to avoid awkward conversations. Am I ashamed for what I have become. I hope not. I work hard, have a wonderful daughter and Adriane's a hoot. I'm not quite drowning in debt and I have my own place. And yet I have nothing to say. I just feel like I'm missing out. All these people are having fun and I feel like I'm not. I work and come home. What happened to me. I use to show up and do the craziest things. I use to not be afraid of life. To try new things and meet new people. To accept life's challenges and meet them head on. Yet my friends are continuing on, smiling and laughing. Making bad decisions but enjoying life and most importantly living in the moment. A moment that doesn't include me. A moment full of happiness, building relationships and enjoying being alive. Leaving only mementos of fun scattered through the internet. For me to peer at and reminisce. Reliving the empty feeling in my stomach. Nothing is as easy as it use to be. Everything has to be so damn complicated. I can't drop what I'm doing now and be that person. Come responsibility come sacrifices. Give up on a life you once had to create a life that you once dreamed of. Amazing how that works. To be the man you want to be is to give up the man you wished to be. Sacrifice at what cost. When did friends get pushed to the back burner. Why did I allow that. But that's part of the time line. Grow up and put away childish things. Give up drinking the night away. Give up driving aimlessly with your friends. Give up chances to bear your soul. Give up those memories you wouldn't change for anything. Give up on the chance to be remembered.