Marry Me?
As this being the last weekend of the perrenial summer I should make a comment about whats going on mentally, which is tada mostly nothing. If I haven't been working i've been sleeping or couped up in this house for my fear of social anxiety...I know kind of an oxy moron
Time, what a waste.
School starts on monday, what am I going to do. Really. It's already hard enough to maintain a bit of sanity now, add lots more stress and lots more to do, a recipe for insanity. Seems like I have a knack for creating bad situations, ruining chances. Repression what a silly defense mechanism, yet so useful.
I have no idea what I want, no idea where I want to go, no idea what to do...i guess we're all in the same boat. A generation lost in the shuffle I feel, we're so doped up on medicaine and propaganda that no one clear cuts a path to eventuality. I want to be something eventually, but how do I know when to begin.
I'm the last romantic...it's true. Mainly because I feel like my soul was meant to be in the 50's being a beatnik poet. Wooing women and treating them like they deserve...and they deserve alot, I mean c'mon we owe our exsistence to them
But whats wrong with me. nothing. I'm so busy wanting my life to be like the movies not realizing there is no director. well maybe god but i buy into the whole free will ideaology. Why do I let a girl like Abby slide between my fingers like sand from the beach. why am i so in love with life that i get so in love with potentials. potentials are like faded writing on a love note. you want to read it and even though you can't it's that love is intoxicating. even just the idea of it, even that of family love, friend love, love love. is it because happiness is love, i hope it is, but who can really know what happiness is.
My dad is dating a girl, which i think is awesome, but is love replacable or is love just a feeling and we all know i can be happy with a good grade or a box of donuts. Everything is in degrees nothing is absolutes. That causes all the strife and misunderstandings. That causes remorse and hate, love and temptation. Nothing can really be replaces but everything can be hidden behind a shadow. I'm thinking for a few months my heart was hiding behind a shadow, the shadow my thoughts make. You heart should not need thoughts to explain what it's doing. Is that why I develop feelings for girls because i'm free willed. free spirited. put your life on a limb and you'll see the world but you'll fall hard. Makes it hard to climb the tree again, but whats the point of the night if you can't admire the stars.
Time, what a waste.
School starts on monday, what am I going to do. Really. It's already hard enough to maintain a bit of sanity now, add lots more stress and lots more to do, a recipe for insanity. Seems like I have a knack for creating bad situations, ruining chances. Repression what a silly defense mechanism, yet so useful.
I have no idea what I want, no idea where I want to go, no idea what to do...i guess we're all in the same boat. A generation lost in the shuffle I feel, we're so doped up on medicaine and propaganda that no one clear cuts a path to eventuality. I want to be something eventually, but how do I know when to begin.
I'm the last romantic...it's true. Mainly because I feel like my soul was meant to be in the 50's being a beatnik poet. Wooing women and treating them like they deserve...and they deserve alot, I mean c'mon we owe our exsistence to them
But whats wrong with me. nothing. I'm so busy wanting my life to be like the movies not realizing there is no director. well maybe god but i buy into the whole free will ideaology. Why do I let a girl like Abby slide between my fingers like sand from the beach. why am i so in love with life that i get so in love with potentials. potentials are like faded writing on a love note. you want to read it and even though you can't it's that love is intoxicating. even just the idea of it, even that of family love, friend love, love love. is it because happiness is love, i hope it is, but who can really know what happiness is.
My dad is dating a girl, which i think is awesome, but is love replacable or is love just a feeling and we all know i can be happy with a good grade or a box of donuts. Everything is in degrees nothing is absolutes. That causes all the strife and misunderstandings. That causes remorse and hate, love and temptation. Nothing can really be replaces but everything can be hidden behind a shadow. I'm thinking for a few months my heart was hiding behind a shadow, the shadow my thoughts make. You heart should not need thoughts to explain what it's doing. Is that why I develop feelings for girls because i'm free willed. free spirited. put your life on a limb and you'll see the world but you'll fall hard. Makes it hard to climb the tree again, but whats the point of the night if you can't admire the stars.
posted by Tim Zimm | 1:13 AM
1 Comments:
Good God, I love your writing.
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