random musing

so here i am almost nearing the end of october. Work has gone into over drive, I love my store but i know i will never get promoted there. I feel like i'm stuck in a waiting room I'm good enough to do it I have the energy to do it but i know patience wins all.

I have become so tired lately. It must be the weather. I love the rain. i love the clouds. I love the wind.

Nothing makes me feel more alive, as when I walk to my store in the morning when downtown is still and dark, dark clouds running across the sky and the wind blowing my jacked up in the air. Cool air brushing past my face. Who needs coffee when I get to wake up to that. There's a movie with robin williams about heaven and it shows it as whatever your favorite thing in life is. I would hope it would be something involving my family but that morning walk means so much. Everything is moving its good to know that I am but a mere part of a part in the machine of life.

I love feeling human, I like the idea of starting a day. Endless possiblities abound.

I know that was one of my wishes just for it to sprinkle every morning. And i know i go on and on about this but

driving with the windows down wind blowing droplets splashing on my arm an owl city on a death cab song on a postal service passion pit grizzly bear it brings me alive something about that helps me realize that all i have is today. Today this moment is certain and that this may be all I have.


I like moments in life where you can be out of body. The moments where you can say I can't believe...

i had one once, when i got alcohol poisoning in NYC, I remember being outside myself thinkings why did I do this i'm smarter than this this is not good than nothing until waking up in a hospital bed.

I laugh about that now, it's become an anectode for my life. But at that moment i knew it was serious. But it takes moments like that to remind you that in a single gust life can move you in a total different direction


Today my life is nothing as it were to seem a few years ago. Family married hardcore job bills
everything my dad had to deal with. Its amazing how roles are reversed. But that is the natural progression in life. Every step has some financial burden to it.

It takes those moments to awaken you, its amazing how we take life for granted.
I like today even if i'm tired of today. I dont have to treat today like a present just present today like a present.


The days get harder. but that goes along with getting old. Its get worse before it gets better. I'm not a firm believer in that. Everyday just gets better its just a slow slow arch.

The things I enjoy stay constant. and how could things be worse when I have good music and people who love me. People spend their whole lives look for one or the other, i'm blessed to know both.


I know the days feel lonely, and friends are harder to find than a cold day in florida. Friendships don't matter only the bonds that were created. There is no pre determined number of things that has to happen to maintain a friendship. Once the bond is there it's there. And nothing can change that it has no time line. or expiration date. As long as there is memories and dreams fondness and appreciation it can surpass your hearts beat. The bonds i know have held true and mold the passions i have of life.

What this is all about I dont know. But somethines its good to remember your stream of conscience

In a related matter I sometimes wonder what the people who have impacted my life are doing right now. and if I ever cross their mind. Would it be a fleeting thought or a ponderorous one