Timely

I have just gotten back from my much needed trip to NYC, oh its so amazing how that place makes me feel. Invigorated my soul. I got to read a book i've been putting off for years. Youth in Revolt, oh my its like catcher in the rye for the modern age. Same brazingly independent youth just more troublesome in love. But between reading, walking around the parks, and revisiting culture i have gotten my spirit back. I feel more compelled to journal my thoughts. To write all these ideas floating in my head. I shall not let the constraints of adult hood father hood marriage hood hold me down, though frankly I've been the one embracing my mediocrity for years.

I feel like there has been so much at my grasp during my life and i've let it float away. Why should success and happiness be pushed upon me, i don't believe it works like that. Nobody falls into greatness, though once again i have become a great dad purely on accident ha different story though.

I have been journaling for so many years writing it off as my way to vent, to emote, to not have to actually write.

I can't blame location for my inadequicies, wether i am in Dallas or Dulles my attitude shouldnt differ, my emotions shouldnt splinter, my spirit shouldnt feel lingered.

I need to start writing my novels, I need to start reading to my daughter, I need to start going to the park more and enjoying the breath of air the shade of grass the smell of life. I need to take control of whatever this is I called life. Going to work coming home to sleep can't be everything.

As for love, it's everything. And it is to be shared. But it is to be held with the grasp of holding a new born child. That it is fragile and it can be broken but yet it is as beautiful as the world is. Hold it to your chest and let it burn into your body.

New york city always does this to me but i can't let it fade. No letting it taper off. Falling into the black oblivion. Passion is only as equal to life. I am one for a passionate life.


So now here comes the preverbial fork in the road. There are many paths ahead of me. Which will i take. Fall back into my usual rut. Feel sorry for myself. wish there was something more. or take control of myself. straighten up. take a step and move forward. Keep walking with eyes gazing forward taking every stride with personal presence ambition take breaths of deep life. Hold my hands out and grasp every piece of every strand of every speck of life. good bad happy sad love life.